How sad. I had an opportunity today to reveal myself to a woman, just a little bit, as a submissive man. But I held back.
The back story: I'm studying to be a massage therapist. I really enjoy the work, for a lot of different reasons. It's a helping profession. It engages my body as well as my mind. It's sensuous. It can be meditative. I enjoy serving women, and most of my classmates and practice clients are women. And, something I don't say at school, I really enjoy touching naked (and near-naked) women. There's nothing sexual about it--I haven't once gotten aroused when giving a massage. But I really do enjoy it, and that's clearly driven by my submissive sexuality. I get to be in the servant role, working for her pleasure while she relaxes, with strict rules, ethical guidelines, and laws constraining my behavior.
Today I gave a fellow student a massage. She's 30-something, nice body, friendly, and she wanted work on her gluteal muscles. (Anatomy lesson: that's her ass.) She has a very nice ass, and she appreciated the rubbing, kneading, and pressing I did there. See why I like this work? Anyway, she was in a talkative mood, and at one point she asked if I preferred working on men or women. I dodged the question, just told her how I'd worked on far more women than men. Women are more open to getting massage than men, blah, blah, blah, change the subject.
Damn! I wish I'd told this simple truth:
"I prefer working on women. I enjoy serving women."
That's not kinky, it's not extreme, and I think it would have been an entirely appropriate answer. But I chickened out. Well, actually, I didn't make a decision to avoid saying these words. They didn't come to me. But I did get nervous about self-revelation, and I regret it.
Maybe tomorrow.
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6 comments:
Hi i love your blog, i've read all your entries and will anxiously await more. I think you should try and think of a way to bring that subject back up again, and give her the answer you wish you would have stated the first time. Good luck on your journey!
Hi subboy.
It's okay... You can create and look for other opportunities, I'm sure, to appropriately reveal yourself.
I too enjoy touching and massaging women.
Keep on having fun!
Best regards,
Thomas.
Thank you, hh, I appreciate you comments. Your blog is one that inspired me to write. I do hope to have something like you do, someday.
And, you are so right, I can bring this up next time I see her. "I've been thinking about what you asked me..." I'll do it. It might be a month, it might be two months, but the door will open, and I will step through.
Hi, Thomas, and thanks for the support. Your blog is another one that inspired me. And I think that writing this blog, and getting feedback, will keep submission more present in my mind. More on the front burner, so to speak. So when opportunities arise, I'll be more likely to see them, and act on them.
I'm curious, Thomas, about your use of the plural, "women". Do you massage women other than your Mistress Laura?
Perhaps saying you like "pleasing" women would be eabsier for you to say.
Thanks for the suggestion, polyfetishist. You're right, that would be easier. It's more conventional. I've used that "enjoy pleasing women" phrase in personal ads, it does certainly describe me.
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