Why a relationship?

I want to explain why I'm looking for a relationship, rather than just a woman to dominate me. I've had some very exciting and satisfying experiences being dominated by women. The local BDSM community was a wonderful place to meet women, get some mentoring, and play safely.

But I want more than play. I miss being in a loving relationship--the social aspects, the companionship, the intimate knowledge and acceptance of each other, and mutual devotion. I want to have that again. I think that my submission could really blossom in that environment. I particularly enjoy serving a woman who is appreciative of my efforts, and there would be loads of opportunity, I'm thinking.

Then there's the safety aspect. When I get into subspace I lose my good judgment, even my common sense. Several times during play scenes the Domme stopped the scene, saying I'd had enough. I hadn't safe-worded, or even called "yellow". I was always sad when the Domme stopped the scene. Later, I would realize that she had good reason--I was shaking, or my hands were getting cool from the bondage. She was watching out for my safety, even when I wasn't. I want to explore deeper submission, and to be safe I need to know that the woman I submit to really cares about me. And know she loves me, that would be even better. I've got control issues (why else would bondage be erotic?) and I'm sure it will be easier for me to cede control to a woman if I know she loves me.

I've thought about going back to the BDSM community. But at least for now I'm focusing on finding a woman to date, fall in love with, and submit to. I'm meeting women through an online dating site, I'm flirting with E, and I've decided that yes, I'm going to ask C out. I'm nervous about all this. Besides the familiar nervousness about asking for a date and getting shot down (a D/s interaction every man has experienced), I've got doubt about my ability to make this all work, to get to the land of thorns and honey. But I'm resolved to push forward, to put myself out there and see what unfolds.

I'll keep you posted.