Old women, young women, and my doubts

I've been getting acquainted with a stream of women, and trying to imagine them as lovers. I tend to be uninterested in women near my age, which is 57. (Gasp! So old! I have held back from this particular bit of self-revelation. Thinking, perhaps, that I might meet a dominant woman through this blog, and I might be more interesting if she didn't know how old I am. Not that I would lie, but I have been concealing. But no more. This blog is primarily a way for me to process and sort out what's going on in my life. The remote prospect of meeting a compatible woman through it has been getting in the way of the primary purpose. So, here I am, revealing myself. It's good.)

I've been meeting women about my age, online and in real life, through eHarmony. It's a dating service that prides itself on finding people who are "compatible", based on an extensive personality survey you have to take in order to get listed. I tried to answer the questions honestly, so as to give the system a chance to regognize me as a natural follower, and match me up with as many Alpha Females as possible. It hasn't worked very well. I've corresponded with several dozen women, and met three in real life. And felt no sexual spark at all with any of them. Oh, they're interesting, good people. But even with compatibility assumed, that's not enough reason to date them. The first woman, we decided at the end of a coffee date that we weren't going to date, but might be friends. The second, I called it off after the coffee date. (Chicken, I could have done it during.) The third, I'm seeing tomorrow for a second date. Going to hear some Elizabethan Christmas music. I expect I'll have a good time, but if I don't feel some sexual chemistry with her, I'm going to call this one off, too. I'm having lunch with a fourth next week, but not expecting much, based on our phone conversations.

It's not that I'm never attracted to a woman in her 50's, but I certainly haven't felt it with anyone from eHarmony so far. Am I being unrealistic, expecting a sexual vibe early on with a woman in her 50's? I don't know.

Then there are women I've met at massage school. They tend to be in their 20's and 30's, although some are older, and even a few my age or more. I wouldn't think there was a chance for a relationship with one of these younger women. But I keep getting little clues that maybe there is:

I sent out e-mail invitations to my New Years open house at my new office. A 30-something student replied, saying she hopes to be able to stop by. She complimented me on my website (promoting my massage business--not this one!), and closed with her phone number. Sounds like she wants to stay in touch beyond school, no?

There's a younger woman, perhaps 25, who I got to know just a little at the tail end of school. She confided in me about her doubts about her boyfriend. I offered my perspective (wisdom?), and it seemed to resonate with her. Anyway, she told me she was coming to the open house, and then at graduation she sought me out, gave me a big hug, and told me how glad she was she had gotten to know me! I replied that it didn't have to end with graduation--felt good for avoiding getting tongue-tied. And that night I fantasized about licking her fine ass. That hug did make an impression!

And then there's my former teacher (third paragraph of this post). She's about 30, and is definitely interested in staying in touch.

It's entirely possible that all three of these young women have a professional interest in me, rather than a personal one. Most graduating students get jobs, rather than start businesses. So I stand out that way. Maybe they're coming to the open house just to get a feel for what it's like, starting a private practice. Maybe they're just a distraction, taking me away from women who would be more suitable as dominating partners. I really don't know.

So things are in flux, there are lots of opportunities. I'm not sure just what they're opportunities for, but I'm OK with that. I'm trying to stay open to possibilites, without pusing too hard.