Planting seeds with E

I had a most enjoyable lunch with E today. (My history with E, such as it is, is presented here, and my intention about today’s conversation here.)

We met at a buffet place and talked so much it took us nearly two hours to have lunch. Two delightful hours. We talked about school, mostly. E is a student at the same massage school that I’m about to graduate from. She’s got a ways to go, and was interested in my experience with the parts she hasn’t gotten to yet.

Instead of asking if I could date her, I asked her out for a specific event this weekend. Phrased it as, “I’m thinking of going and I don’t want to go alone, would you like to go with me?” I thought this was a little less forward, and would give her the opportunity to think of it as a friendly thing to do, rather than a date laden with sexual overtones. She said she was interested, but would have to think about it.

Half an hour later she told me she was going to decline my offer, explaining she was going to be busy writing a paper for school. She had already talked about this particular assignment, and how she was feeling under the gun. So it made sense. And E thanked me for my offer, rather than saying no, she wasn’t interested in dating. Then our conversation flowed something like this:

sb: Well is there something I could do for you, to free up your time, so you can just concentrate on the paper? (I didn’t present this as “so you can get it done and go out with me, too.” It was just an offer to help her.)

E: I don’t think so. I mean, I’ll be going to the gym, you can’t do that for me. And I’ll be doing laundry, you can’t do that for me.

sb: Yes, I could do your laundry.

E: Oh, I couldn’t ask you to do that.

sb: It’s a serious offer, E. Or if there’s something I could do around your house, some project, or run some errands, or clean your gutters…

E: Be careful, you might regret this. (Laughs.)

sb: I’d like to find out. (grins)

I told E how seeing her was the highlight of my day, and my week, and how she contributed so much to my life, I just wanted to do something nice for her in return. I repeated my offer, extending the timeline beyond this weekend. It was all true, all heartfelt. E thanked me, and said I was very sweet.

I offered to send E my paper from that same assignment, and she seemed genuinely pleased. Not that she’ll copy it, but just having an example could help her get unstuck.

E let me pay for lunch, which pleased me. And when the cashier wished us a good day, I said, “Any day I get to see E is a good day.”

So, no date, but I am feeling very hopeful. The door seems slightly open, and not just to the possibility of a date. I made an offer of service, and E found that touching.

All these hours later, I’m still glowing.