Twelve people were listening intently when I spoke those words. The setting was the final meeting of my business class at massage school. We each did a presentation of our business plan. I volunteered to go first. I had decided I was going to be this direct, I felt good about it, and I wanted to get those words out in public. I got to the part about my target markets. The first was professional women. Professional, because they are more able to afford massage, and women for two reasons. First, women are more open to massage and second, "I enjoy serving women. I have a stronger emotional reaction, I get more fulfillment when I give a woman a massage." I was only slightly nervous. I looked around the circle, spoke very directly to my classmates and the teacher. It felt very good.
This is quite a change in two weeks, from the time I only wished I'd spoken these words. I am becoming more comfortable with my submissiveness, and more confident about it. And I believe that as I reveal myself to the universe, the universe will respond.
And perhaps it already is. The teacher of this class is an attractive woman. She's confident and accomplished, and told us many stories about starting her own successful private practice. Quite the role model for us. And I really enjoyed paying attention to her, because she also has the body type that I find most attractive--tall and curvy. Anyway, before class she was telling me how excited (!) she is for me and woman I'll be sharing space with. I think we remind her of herself, years ago. Then after class she asked if I was going to invite her to our open house. I had idly thought it might be a good idea to have one, and now it became obvious. So I confered with my partner, and we quickly decided to have one, and invited the teacher. I just love how forward the teacher was about this, asking to be invited. I'm attracted to decisive, assertive women, and here was one asserting that she wanted to socialize with me. This is cool, very cool.
And I repeat that writing this blog has been very helpful. The practice keeps submission in my mind. And what is in the mind can become reality.
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3 comments:
Congratulations. For both of your accomplishments, with your professional self, and the words.
And it was not so hard, and it had such a positive effect hopefully that thought will make it easier the next time you want to express yourself this way.
Destiny
yes blogging is a great way to maintain a submale mindset, congrats too on being able to open up like that in front of your peers.
Thank you, Destiny and hh. I appreciate your encouragement. The other part about blogging that's very helpful is having contact with like-minded folks. And in both your cases, you're way beyond just thinking like I do, you're living it. I admire you both.
As for speaking up, I didn't get the impression that anyone in the room thought this was weird, or scandalous, or even a big deal. But I am hoping that it meant something to my teacher!
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