On being seen and known

Here at the tail end of massage school I'm taking a class where they have us prepare business plans and marketing materials, and this week we had show and tell with mock-ups of business cards. Mine was pretty close to what it's actually going to be, with my sub-tenancy address on it. I like it pretty well. Heck, I enjoy just looking at it, I can be that self-absorbed. But I was wondering if anyone else would like it. It's not at all dramatic visually, like some other people's. Lots of black text on a white background, just one small graphic and not much color. But there's a woman in class who seems quite intuitive, and her immediate reaction was, "I like it. It's so you!" And I felt that she knew me and understood me, and it felt very good.

This desire to be known and understood runs deep in me. And being seen is a close corollary.

I am an exhibitionist. Years past, I sometimes practiced this in inappropriate ways. More recently, I've found acceptable outlets. In the BDSM community, I enjoyed being dominated while nude at parties. I got to display my body to the crowd, and my submissiveness, too. And now I occasionally work as a nude model for art classes and coops. This isn't so over-the-top as getting flogged while naked in a room full of people, but it does feed my spirit. I really enjoy being nude and having a roomful of people looking at me. Looking quite intently, in the case of artists. As the model, I am objectified, and I like that. This wouldn't do anything for me if the artists were all men, but that's never been the case. The classes are usually about evenly divided, or have more women. And I particularly enjoy it that I am nude and the women are clothed. This carries a distinction in status, even though it's not overly femdom.

I intend to carry my longing into a femdom relationship. A woman who really knows me will be able to use that knowledge to push my buttons, and train me to serve her. To our mutual delight.